Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
