I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
