I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
