I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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