Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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