Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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