Whats the glycemic index on semen?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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