She tied me up with her honor cords...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
