I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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