last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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