ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize