U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize