it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
