you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
