Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
