I think I won the penis lottery.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
