Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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