i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Randomize
