There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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