I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
