We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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