That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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