you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
