come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
