Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
why is half of my head shaved?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
