i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize