I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
