Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
