4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
