What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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