I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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