Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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