NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
