I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
