I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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