don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
