I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
