Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We're too hungover to prance.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
