There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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