I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
