How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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