i just had sex bonerless
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
