Me too!
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
