I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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