The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
