Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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