I got chris browned last night
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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