New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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