I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize