it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
