you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
