Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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