Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
