did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
