Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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