I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
