I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
