hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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