Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
