It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
