Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
