apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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