So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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