Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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