you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
