she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize