Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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