Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Randomize
