i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Congratulations! We have a period
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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