Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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