We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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