You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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